What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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