Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I want a musical about memes.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
