Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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