We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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