end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
