Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
