i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
