Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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