i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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