I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
