i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
she woke up with a sticky ear
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
