Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
