It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
