Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
