is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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