We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
