he wants to bone in the snuggie
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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