I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
