worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
