I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
