if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
