Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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