i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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