My first STD was from a foam party
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
