My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
