i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We were destined to go to rehab together
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
