So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
