Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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