My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
