Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
