Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Why are your pants in the freezer?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
