Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I would fuck him just for his dog
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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