saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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