saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
