I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
