i permit you to call me
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
your like the ambassador to my penis.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
