I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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