You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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