Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
