Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
