you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She's the barista slut.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
