I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I look excited, but its just a facade.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
