i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Dicks are not precious.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
