Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
