I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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