im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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