Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
