the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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