You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
