Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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