Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
