dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
