can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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